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GRAVEN-US-TOMBULUS
• Nocturnal feeder.
• Water only once when planted.
• Do not eat.
• Craves snail brains.
Planting: Plant seeds 3 feet down. Fill home with loose gravel only. Water once on full moon. Cottony white flower blumes after torrential rains. Small skull flower only blumes in the southern hemisphere countries.
VENZ-OONEGULP
• Thrives in high heat.
• Constantly feeding.
• Dormant only in spring, summer and fall.
Watering: Use only 80 degree water. Warm water and it's naturally acidic soil will attract skullflies. Venz-oonegulp can only digest one skullfly every three hours, do not overfeed.
ORKILLIVILIUM
• Grows in shade only.
• Water every 100 days.
• Only blooms at night.
• Not an herb.
Pruning: Use weed wacker with metal blades dipped in gasoline. Shred vigurously for 2 minutes or until mulchy stump. Delicate shoots will begin sprouting at dawn March 13th.
INSENZ-ZA-MELIA
• Unique pseudobulb disperses smoke when sun sets.
• Never water. Ever.
• Only grows in bed of small rocks or pebbles found on west coast of any ocean.
Harvesting: Every 20 days small one penny size ember can be cut from the bottom of the bulb. Use a new #11 exacto blade to carve it out. These embers can be used to keep a campfire roaring for over 10 hours. BEWARE: Handling of embers require extreme caution.
EDVARDIUS-THUJAE
• Oil once a week.
• Keep children out of reach.
• Self sharpens, but only in high altitudes in southern hemisphere.
Fertilizing: Feed young sprouts only once with metal shavings and 10w/40 motor oil (used). Do not control chlorosis. Encourage greensickness by avoiding iron or zinc chelates.
CATSNIPADUS
• Prune only when bored.
• Prefers low light.
• Moody and distant.
• Water once a year.
Age: Catsnipadus is known to live over 350 years. Exact watering cycles and random prunings will encourage purrfect maturity. It is best to not have any other plants in the same room. But if there are, expect Catsnipadus to slowly grow towards the nearest plant and overtake it within a week.
